The Politics of Piling

I really like salad bars, so when I found one in Venice, I got reeeeaaaallllyyyy excited! Enough of this pizza and pasta crap. So I ask the lady what the dealio was, in fluent Italian. 3 szes of bowls, smalled was 4.50 medium was 5.50 and large was 7.50 euos, weird scaling eh. So t was lunch time and i decided id just get the small size and pack it in. now when an opportunity like this presents itself to me, I really pack it in. Im talking Mongolian grill style Pack it in *we all know Mong Style from Vancouver*. Why wouldnt you take a bowl amd if you got one chance only, pack as much stuff in there as possible. So I did, man I filled that thing to the brim and over. lettuce on the bottom, tomatoes and watercress, cheese, boiled eggs, tuna, onions, beets, mushrooms, ore tuna, moe lettuce, carots and some pckled peppers with sundried tomatoes on top. Man it was great, it felt like it weighed a ton. So I go up to pay fo my small salad bowl, and the girl who gave me the pices looks at me funny, stares at the bowl, then says..

7 Euros.
What, you told me it was 4.50 for a small.
Dis not small she replied, dis gigante she replied.
But yeah its in a small bowl
As she lifts the bowl, Heavy
Yeah but you arnt chaging by weight, your charging by bowl, what do you expect me to do, put half as uch salad as the bowl can fit
Dis not salad, dis tuna and onions, salad has tomatoes and lettuce in it
I was about to go bonkers!
There is lettuce and tomatoes in here, its just underneath the tuna for chrissake! And who are you to tell me what to put in my salad, its a salad bowl!

Now Im not trying to be funny, but this is just another way these italians rape money from you. The manager then comes in

What iz da problem
I was told it was 4.50 for this small salad bowl and now shes charging me 7
You put too much, if you put so much you must by larger bowl
yea but its a small bowl, you have larger bowls who want to put more than what ive got in mine, what difference does it make..

I felt like I was about to punch a wall

No iz too much, 6 euros minimum

Now I had 2 options, walk away from this tasty salad that i personally compiled, after ive been starving and salivating over the thought of greens, or pay 6 euros and just forget it. I decided the latter as i figured id have the cambarineri all over me if i just plopped a 5ver.

One last thing i said after I paid my money

Look, you go to North America, and we-ll show you how to pile a salad and not get ripped off for it, the land of the free beeyatch! *I made sure i accentuated that last word as to not confuse her*

And then I went outside and chowed down. But honestly now. Who doesnt pile a salad bowl when you only have one chance to make your fill. Man I miss the Mongolie Grill Back home.

Pulling a Larry David

Ok I admit it, I pulled a Larry David. I had no other choice. The campsite in Venice (or rather just outside Marco Polo) has about 5 showers in the section I was at. One of them was a handicapped washroom. Well all of the showers were full at 10am except the handicapped one. I figured id only be in there for a 5 minute rinse off, how fast was that, no ones gonna need to use it. So I decide, hell with it, Im going in. No sooner had I just turned on the hot running water, did the door bust open. Now Im not going to backtrack but this particular large stall did not have a lock on it, so I just shut the door thinking people would hear the running water knowing someone was inside. This bloke rolled in looking like Leuitenant Dan and gave me this look, me standing there dong out and all looking kind of surprised. I could count to 5 seconds as we both stared at each other. I think he was in awe that I was using the handicapped shower, I was in awe that someone just rolled in on my campsite shower. He blurted out 'What the fuck, you shouldnt be in here' obviously agitated. I did the only thing I could think of doing at that moment, what else does one do when they are caught standing up naked in a handicapped shower. I grunted 'Mrrrm Meuh ha huh he hu nu nooo noo' Which made absolutely no sense, but then again how else am I supposed to prove that I was disabled somehow. 'mrruuu mruuu murr ne na tekanis?' I continued. He glared at me and yeleld 'get out'. I decided the only way to get this dude out of my shower was to throw a tantrum, so I did just that, raising my voice 'ne ya nu ka ka ka go', to that effect while dancing a rain dance. I was hoping id spooke him out of there. It worked as he turned around and rolled out yelling 'fucking loser!' at me. My act seemed to have worked. Now I realize I shouldnt be getting any PC kudo points out of this, and i do realize that i shouldnt have been in there in the first place, but i remember that episode on season 5 in Curb Your Enthusiasm, and that almost makes it seem alright. When i exited he was no where to be found, so im assuming he just rolled into the next free shower. 'Well then you wait, you waiiiiiiit'.

dtm

'Journey'

I thought i'd explore my songwriting abilities in my hostelling downtime, so Im giving my hand at writing lyrics (and not my obscene dirty crack spinoffs)! Inspired by listening to lots of Matthew Good, Chilli Peppers and Greenday. Prose, Hyperbole or song, just need some music behind it. Perhaps it will mean different things to different people, thats the cool thing about it, it isnt just me.

'JOURNEY' - by dtm

Where does this path take me, is there no end in sight,
I see the line before me, but do I walk it straight,
You see, I have a psychic, she says I'm lonely, She says my destiny is turning out all wrong,
The pictures speak but they cannot hear, In my own skin, theres nothing to fear,
I'm sitting in a dark room wondering what to do with the rest of my life,
Everything they told me was a fucking lie,
And I drink, and I dance and I sing,
The partys on you and Im just a guest this time,
100 miles an hour, wind rushing by my face,
Its a hop skip and jump to that very old same place,
But the smiles and laughter all around, make you stand up and feel proud,
For this Journey, it lasts a lifetime,
A lifetime of You and Me,
Its alright now, take the world and make it yours again.

dtm